You asked me how I"m doing...

I have been called "over emotional" many times in my life.  I'm used to being told I wear my emotions on my sleeve.  I own it and accept it as a part of who I am.  I do, however, try to control it, particularly when I'm feeling negative. (Josh, notice I said I TRY! ;))

With nearly every emotion, my response is to cry.
I hurt physically or emotionally - I cry.
I am happy - I cry.
I get angry - I cry.
If people are rude to me - I cry.
If people are nice to me - I cry.
Perhaps boredom doesn't evoke tears, which is ironic because of the phrase "bored to tears".
But, I don't get bored very often.

So, pile on heartache and weariness to my usual emotional self and I am a basket case.
(If you haven't heard what is happening in our lives right now, go here for the latest.)
I am heartbroken.  I face the day to day of life as a distraction of the constant thought of death...and how we go on after it.  My faith is strong, my hope is focused, but my heart is selfish.
I am tired.  I am a lack-of-sleep, can't turn my brain off, don't want to miss a minute, pre-Relay exhausted, kind of tired.

But in the last week or so, it has been the kindness of others that has made the tears roll down my cheeks.  The kindness of people who have no idea how tired and weary I am.
~The dentist who showed great, great kindness to my mom.
~The woman at Walgreen's who gave me a significant, unrequested discount on my photo order.
~The gentleman who obviously gave up a prime parking space for me.
~The person at my girls school who told me I am a good mama.
~The older couple walking hand in hand in the store.
~The little boy at school helping his friend.

I don't mind these tears because they represent blessings.  I see them as reminders that no matter how much heart break is coming, God has me in His arms.  He is providing reassurance that He is my refuge, providing comfort in the most basic of ways.

So, if you pass me on the road and I'm crying my van, all alone, just know that I am blessed...and very, very tired.